5 Simple Steps to Bounce Back from Failed Relationships

If you had 5 Simple Steps to Bounce Back from Failed Relationships would that help? In the new year and just after Valentine’s Day, most people reflect on their love life and their failed relationships ready for a fresh start at love. Have you decided to figure out the common denominator in all your failed relationships? A failed relationship can derail you with feelings of being off balance. It derails you emotionally as well, which can be much more serious. Some people go into depression or even take the drastic step of stopping dating altogether. They literally feel that it’s the end for them out of frustration.

This outlook, although understandable, is a recipe for more failure.   Be encouraged to know that you can transform your love life with better results.

In Psychology Today, Mark Travers, Ph.D., suggested that “The term ‘failed relationship’ is a misnomer. Sure, relationships might not work out as we had hoped, but that doesn’t make them failures. Unfortunately, our brains have a tendency to categorize people, events, and things into concrete, black-and-white categories. It helps us make sense of the messy, information-overloaded world we live in.”

The key trait to bounce back from a bad breakup is resilience.  Resilient people have equipped themselves to recover from relationship failure with some unique measures. They’re even mentally prepared for the possibility of another failed relationship in the pursuit of the goal of a thriving and loving relationship.

The following 5 Simple Steps to Bounce Back from Failed Relationships are the secret used by resilient persons to bounce back. They will help you take your breakup in your stride. They will enable you to turn it into a positive experience and to bounce back and prepare for the next relationship.

Step #1: Confront and Identify

Sweeping relationship failures under the rug and refusing to confront it can be dangerous. Nobody likes to relive failed relationships but in order to get the relationship you desire and thrive it’s vital to understand the lessons and discoveries about yourself and the situation.

When you experience heartbreak, you may look at things going on around you and feel hopeless and stuck, like you are on autopilot and things just happen to you, especially in your love life You may even feel confused about relationships.

The advice on a broken heart is to find a way to get emotionally unstuck after a bad breakup to move on so you can enjoy life again.

The good news is that the relationship ended. Gary W. Lewandoski, Jr. Ph.D., describes the other side of staying in a failing relationship like this – “make no mistake, experiencing the 3 L’s of being adrift in love is worse than being single. It’s like relationship purgatory. At least when you’re single, you’re free to find the great relationship you deserve. When you’re adrift while in a relationship, you are unfulfilled and unable to find a better relationship. You either need to get out or get to work.”

Unless you face the truth and identify the triggers that led to the breakup, you’re more likely to repeat the cycle of heartbreak again and again.

Spend time to reflect deeply. Some people use broken some people scriptures from the Bible to reflect. You may also use the following questions to assist you:

• What were your assumptions at the time about the other person, the relationship and how did you act on them? Looking back, now, were they correct?

• What was your mindset at the beginning of the relationship?

• What actions could have been different?

• What possible warning signs did you ignore?

• What were some behaviors by you or others that caused the relationship to fail?
• What was the one key thing that led to the decision to breakup?

When you reflect and identify the triggers that caused it, you’ve taken the first step towards a great bounce back and getting clear on how to get over a bad breakup.

According to PsychCentral.com, many people find it easier to blame someone else, rather than take responsibility for their actions. You may not want to admit your part in the breakup, but it can be freeing. Stop for a moment and take an honest inventory of your actions and behaviors in the relationship and what things you may have done that contributed to the breakup. Practice forgiveness, for others and yourself as well. This alone puts you ahead of most people in the average breakup recovery.

Step #2: Use Failed Relationships as Fuel for Self-Growth

Resist playing the blame game on others.  Own up to your part in the failure and seek the lessons to grow from it.  Even if they cheated or did negative things, you can only control your actions and response to similar situations in the future. You never have control over the other person.

You can only control your thoughts, actions, emotions, and behaviors.  This is truly a powerful discovery if you stop and think about it.

Unfortunately, we tend to internalize failure as something that was shameful and negative and dwell on painful emotions. However, this outlook changes dramatically when we regard failure as an opportunity for improvement and growth.

• Make a list of the positives – yes, you can always find something positive in failure. For example, your sincerity and dedication, the way you handled a certain situation spectacularly.

• Identify what can help you grow, such as better communication skills or managing your emotions or anger better.

• Identify bad habits you need to break and good habits you need to develop.

It is hard to get going again and enjoy the life you have if you can’t take the time to practice some self-love. The first step to doing this is to make that inner critic go away. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. These thoughts can drive you to hate your love life by repeatedly telling you you’re not capable of progress and having the relationship you desire or won’t make it because you’re not good enough. Stop replaying the situation over and over in your mind. When you think in your mind what if only you had done X the relationship would have turned out differently, and you can feel down and depressed, unmotivated to get much done. Start by showing yourself some compassion and see what a difference it makes

Go for a walk or take a yoga class to help you get your body moving.  This can really help you shift your emotions for the better.

Be Kind to Yourself After Heartbreak

Your inner thoughts are primarily based on childhood experiences and past influences. Oftentimes, they can be our own worst enemy. You may even be asking what is relationship closure and how to get it. 

Yet, they’re just thoughts, right?

The truth is our thought patterns shape our reality. The sooner you realize that the better because then, you can start to gain some control of this negative self-talk.

Start by showing yourself more empathy and compassion.

You’re probably great at helping others in their time of need. So why not do the same thing for yourself as well?

There’s so much empowerment and self-love that comes with being kind to yourself. For starters, you’ll stop hating your life. Then, you’ll start seeing the good instead of constantly mulling over the bad.

So, the next time your inner critic voice starts to say something, focus on something positive that happened to you that day. Over time, you’ll find it easier to overcome the thoughts that undermine your worth and sabotage your mindset to move forward.

Step #3 – Reconnect with Family and Friends for Support

Sometimes,  you need to bring in some support to give you the help you desire. You are a strong and powerful individual, but you can’t do everything on your own. Reconnect with friends and family and let them know what you are going through.  Allow them to help you process and raise your spirit. Let them know how they can help make you feel better during this time. Support from friends and family members is beneficial but be open to seeking up from a professional, such as a therapist, who can assist you in looking deep down and working through some of your other issues too to help you grow.

Take a break from social media and in fact unfriend your ex so you won’t be tempted to troll their timeline. Nothing is worse that seeing them move on without you. Also, break all contact with the person so you are not tempted to re-kindle the relationship before you have time to sort through the breakup, You need time to heal your heart.

Step #4 – Rediscover Yourself to Bounce Back from Failed Relationships

According to the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, a good routine is going to be imperative when you are going through major changes. This routine will help give you something to fall back on, something you can rely on again, ensuring that you won’t feel completely lost or in uncharted territory.

You can choose the type of routine that you would like to do. Maybe you have a special morning routine that includes waking up, doing some exercise, taking a shower, and enjoying a cup of coffee on the porch. You may have the routine in the evening. You can choose how to implement a routine that gives you a sense of security as you try to get a lot done.  It also helps to focus your mind on something other than the breakup and not fall into the silent resentment trap.

Step #5 – Take preventative measures to Bounce Back after Heartbreak

The last of 5 simple steps to bounce back from failed relationships of is to act on your self-discovery. Start doing what you need to in order to grow and start developing those good habits. Next, be very clear on what you need to avoid next time around.

It’s helpful to actually write all of this down in a basic plan of action. You can title it “Relationship Failure Prevention Plan”. Pouring it into words will make it very real and make you feel more in control.

A preventative plan also helps you see the big picture and keep everything top of mind.  See my other article to get even more ideas of what you can do to grow through your heartbreak. 

Conclusion

Using these five steps can dramatically alter the way you deal with relationship failure. They change the negative view and help you cope by seeing a bad breakup as an opportunity and a challenge to clarify what you really want and need in a relationship.

Remember, simply making this a thought process is not enough – you need to act on what you learned from your past failed relationships!