5 Stages of Grief and Heartbreak After a Bad Breakup

Processing through the 5 stages of a breakup and grief are key to resilience and moving on. And advice for a broken heart is everywhere.  However, the problem with a bad breakup isn’t just the pain of broken hearts, it is because we feel like a failure. We all fail in relationships and have to heal broken hearts.  Ultimately, most recover. The issue is how we respond to the failure of romantic relationships and our broken hearts.

Important steps necessary to get over a bad breakup are understanding the stages of grief and their connection in getting over a broken heart.

Denial

The brain’s auto-response to unwanted or bad news is denial. This allows time for your heart to adjust to the new reality of being broken up. In this phase, you may wish that your ex would come back to you. The length of time for this phase is uniquely personal. That personal connection makes it a time to turn to family and friends for support during this difficult time. As you work your way through the 5 stages of a breakup and grief, your heart will heal with time. Be patient and kind with yourself it’s a process.

Anger

The second phase of grief is anger. After a bad breakup, it is not unusual to experience anger. Broken hearts can leave you feeling helpless which can make you angry. Resentment and bitterness that sets in can only be bad for you. During the anger phase, it is easy to make rash decisions when you are in your feelings.  If you are the dumpee, you may resent you ex for leaving you.  Exercise and physical activity can give you a way to physically release your emotions.  Or some find journaling provides an outlet too.

Bargaining

Trying to restore a relationship or friendship with your ex usually means disaster for the dumpee.  It is incredibly painful watching someone you care about move on without you.  Don’t do this to yourself even if they ask to be friends.  Take plenty of time before agreeing to be friends even though you may feel lonely or confused on how to process your old feelings since they don’t just disappear. Give yourself some time.

Depression

The fourth phase of grief is depression.  Sadness is a normal reaction to the loss of a relationship or a broken heart. The pain of a broken heart forces you to deal with the reality that your relationship will not start again can be deflating and hurtful as you process your pain. Psychology Today says bad breakups can feel like an “emotional amputation”.

The emotional amputation can make you sabotage your grief recovery process and the temptation to use destructive habits and behaviors such as overeating, drinking alcohol. Instead, accept the kindness of others during this time from your friends and family.

Acceptance

Acceptance is the final stage of grief.  After the bad breakup, you will move to a stage of clarity that the relationship is really over and you need to move on and begin again.  Moving through the 5 stages of a breakup and grief in order to process through the initial shock and pain of a bad breakup is the foundational footing of moving forward to make a comeback in love and dating. Making a comeback seems to identify two types of people when going through the grief of a breakup and bounce back. Let’s look at a few hacks to help you move forward.

Bounce Back Hacks Through 5 Stages of A Breakup

When it comes to stages of a breakup in life and love there are those who bounce back quickly, stronger than before, and make an amazing comeback. Even after feeling very hurt by a bad breakup and moving through the 5 stages of grief and heartbreak.

After a bad breakup, the second type is those who waste too much time dwelling on the failure of the relationship and all the negative feelings attached to it.  They recover more slowly and tentatively, letting the fear of another failed relationship control their every action. Ultimately, if they are not careful, bitterness sets in or they make their new love pay for the hurt caused by the last person.

The difference between these two types of people lies in one word: resilience. A mindset of resilience is what makes you heartbreak and relationship failure-proof and enables you to bounce back from setbacks with dramatic success in your next relationship.

It’s easy to develop resilience with a little brain hacking. The following hacks will train your brain to be invincible when it comes to dealing with and overcoming failure or heartbreak.

Hack #1: Be mentally prepared

Mental toughness and resilience start with being prepared for the worst. It doesn’t mean having a pessimistic outlook and expecting the worst, but just knowing that nothing is guaranteed.  Dating to connect with the right one for most means there are sometimes heartbreaks along the way.  But working with clients over the years has also taught me a lot can be done to prevent devastating breakups.  While it hurts they are able to heal and move on. Learning to redirect your old feelings of hope that existed in better times of the relationship are essential.

Mental toughness means being emotionally resilient and ready for setbacks.  Telling yourself that you can overcome them because you have what it takes is part of the process. You are smart and tell yourself this every day so that your brain comes to believe it.  Your brain will believe positive or negative information.  It does not discriminate.

Take a few moments to reflect on your relationship situation and make a mental plan of how you would react if something went wrong. Or if you had a recent breakup, take time to reflect on the signs that you saw as evidence that the relationship may end or was not right for you.  It helps to always have a real plan B in place for setbacks as well.  This helps you to maintain your sense of emotional balance.  We all know what it feels like to be dumped.  It throws us off balance.

Feelings will still be hurt.  Anger may spring up since you hoped the relationship would last.  But the hacks in this report greatly help.  Also, get my FREE Emergency Heart Break Survival Kit for more tools to help.

Hack #2: Identify the lessons learned through the 5 Stages of a Breakup and Grief

Failure is a negative experience but the lessons we learn from it are an opportunity for change and growth. This advice for a broken heart aids in preventing long-lasting negative effects.  It allows you to approach your new relationship with an open heart.

Train your brain to dwell on the positive outcomes of your relationship ending, namely, the lessons it has taught you. And now you can be available for the right one. 

Reflect on how you will benefit from lessons the relationship taught you about yourself to reshape your future relationship expectations. Note how they will help recognize true signs of interest and therefore you avoid spending too much time in relationships that don’t serve you.  This alone saves much heartache. Betty Luceigh, Phd. wrote Reflections on a Broken Heart in Psychology Today also demonstrates the importance of reflection with healing.

When the memory of the failed relationship comes up in your mind, divert your thoughts to the present, the lessons or takeaways, and how they will be useful in the future. That way, your brain gradually stops dwelling on the negative feelings.

Hack #3: Stay mindful

Mindfulness is the best way to grow resilience. It involves staying grounded in the present moment and focusing on what you can do right now to bounce back.

Dwelling too long on the past won’t undo the breakup and worrying about the future is not going to shape it the way you want.  Try to get a clear view of reality without getting stuck in the blame game.  We all have the freedom to change our minds and to try to find happiness with the right person.

When you stay mindful, you focus only on what you can do.  You cannot make the other person change their mind.  Although there are strategies to get your ex back, that is for another time.  Right now is the time to propel yourself forward without any limiting distractions of what might have or should have been. Help with staying present and being in the moment may mean creating a mindfulness meditation practice.

Hack #4 Visualize your comeback from a Broken Heart

After some healing time, begin to visualize what you want from your next relationship and lover.  Being clear on that from the start, allows you to eliminate persons that don’t fit well with your values, goals and desires around your relationship. 

Visualization is a powerful brain rewiring technique. Similarly, if you think about something long and often enough, your brain understands that it’s something good for you and goes into overdrive to make it a reality even when you get stuck on the negative.  You will attract that too. Learning to make that shift is crucial.

To make the shift try to take a few minutes every day to visualize your comeback: feeling and looking better than ever, your brilliant success, remembering that you are a bad@$$.  You are the perfect partner for the right one.  They are looking for you right now.  Know that you can attract and keep the right one with a few tweaks and added skills.  This is why clients work with me.  Smart, strong, and successful sistas looking to level up their love life.

The more you visualize this in detail and feel good, the more your brain will feed you innovative ideas and creative solutions to make your vision of love a reality. Amazing!

Conclusion

It’s easy to rewire your brain to make you think differently and grow a mindset of resilience on your journey to your new love. All you have to do is feed it the right thoughts and information consistently.

Understanding the stages of grief and these 4 simple but powerful hacks are proof that overcoming heartbreak and moving beyond a bad breakup quickly and successfully depends on how you train your brain to react to it. There’s nothing fancy to it. All you have to do is grow resilience by practicing consistently. More importantly, your new resilient mind will guide you to take action. That’s really the best way to bounce back by using advice for a broken heart and recovering to move forward. 

Like Taylor Swift, thank you NEXT! When you are ready to love again check out my article How to Attract a Quality Man and Get Him to Commit.