Are Your Dating Standards Too High – 6 Signs

Have you ever thought are your dating standards too high? Are you constantly finding yourself disappointed in your dating life? Does your love life feel like it is on rinse and repeat with the wrong guys? It may be time to take a closer look at your expectations. In this article, we will explore 5 clear signs that your dating expectations may be unattainable. From setting unrealistic deal-breakers to believing in ‘The One’ myth, we will guide you through the harsh reality of dating expectations. You may have asked yourself are my dating standards too high? By recognizing these signs and making adjustments, you can approach dating with a more open mindset and increase your chances of forming a meaningful connection with the right man for you. Let’s dive in and recalibrate your standards for a more successful dating experience.

Is this you or someone you know?

• You feel like no one can meet your standards and there are no good men

This is far from the truth.  Also, men you meet might feel hurt and inadequate because they can’t meet your expectations.  Especially if you rattle off a list before you can even learn just a little about them.

• You compare your life to social media

Social media can portray unrealistic expectations of relationships and love, which can skew your own view and expectations of a relationship.  Remember social media is only ONE snapshot in time.  People only show the best or most exciting times.  Most of us non-celebrity lead regular lives celebrating birthdays and anniversaries but the day to day isn’t that exciting.  There are great guys who are productive, financially stable and/or successful just not on an athlete or celebrity level.  And we miss them because they are not flashy.

Stop and think…

• You’ve never been in a relationship that lasted to commitment

Or, you’ve always found flaws in your partners and no one seems to meet your standards.

• You’re may be a perfectionist

Or, you might demand perfection from others and expect everyone to behave the way you want.  Perfectionism is usually a cover for wanting to keep control.

• You may have low self-esteem

And, if your love life continues to fail to meet your standards, it can confirm negative beliefs and situations you have experienced in the dating world.

• You think all of the men as broke financially if they don’t make six-figures
• You don’t feel comforted easily
• You don’t feel happy, or your happiness is short-lived
• You struggle to forgive or give people the benefit of the doubt
• You often feel angry or resentful towards others
• You expect people to treat you the same way you treat them
• You nit-pick and can’t let things go
• You think there’s a perfect relationship out there
• You listen to your unattached girlfriends too much or even the ones in drama-filled relationships.

If you answered yes to any of these, read on. Hopefully, this is food for thought and you can make a slight adjustment in your love life to find love. Let’s talk about deal breakers.

Setting Unrealistic Deal-Breakers

Another common sign that your dating expectations may be unattainable is setting unrealistic deal-breakers such as physical attributes. It’s important to reflect on whether the criteria you have set for a potential partner are reasonable or if they are so rigid that they leave little room for genuine connection.  Remember you have to meet his standards too. I often ask clients do they qualify for the type of man you want?  The wealthier he is, the more beautiful AND fitter they want you to be.

By being open to compromise and understanding that no one is perfect, you can create more realistic expectations for your dating life.  If no man ever meets your standards, you may be expecting something that cannot be fulfilled 100%.  I find that if you meet the right man, he will typically check only about 80 – 85% of your boxes because he is human. It is important to do your own heart work to heal in order to be ready for the right relationship. We attract what and who we are.

Expecting Perfection from Potential Partners

Expecting perfection from potential partners can be a major red flag that your dating expectations are unrealistic. It’s important to remember that no one is flawless, and putting pressure on yourself or others to meet impossible standards can lead to endless frustration in relationships. By embracing the imperfections and complexities of real people, you can cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling connection in your dating life.   

I hear women on social media all of the time saying they won’t settle.  The reality is that social media has distorted our view of relationships, men and how to date, relate and marry and the delusion of settling if he doesn’t meet 100% of your preferences.  Spoiler alert, you will not get 100% of what is on your list. I don’t believe in settling either.   The women I work with learn how to really vet and look for the right things that work for them. But, you can still have a really great guy AND be happy.

I know your bestie’s man seems perfect but real talk, maybe he is perfect for HER! And behind closed doors, life is often less than perfect – more than you know!

Comparing Your Partner

Comparing your partner to an idealized image in your head or worse comparing him to someone your think is “perfect” only sets you up for disappointment and heartbreak.  This prevents you from truly appreciating the unique qualities he brings to the table. It’s essential to recognize that no man will perfectly match the fantasy partner in your head. By letting go of these unrealistic comparisons, you can start to appreciate your partner for who they truly are and build a more authentic connection.

Let’s face it, looking for perfection from another human is an exercise in futility and sets you up to continually be disappointed.  Also, I have found that as women because we like to share details with our friend, that can make us even more critical.  Because we want our friends to believe we have met the perfect guy.  Being unwilling to compromise (not settle) on non-essential preferences may also indicate that your dating expectations are unattainable. 

Non-essential preferences such as being 6’2” or not being in a sexy/suitable profession.  The perfect one for you may be a blue or white collar man but he has a entrepreneurial hustle on the side.  It is my belief that successful women who earn under 250K should expand her options. For example, you might open your eyes to the guy who is secure in himself. And he is your biggest fan. Maybe he only earns 90 – 150K but if he matches your energy and can fit in with your social settings. 

Being Unwilling to Compromise on Non-Essential Preferences

Being unwilling to compromise on non-essential preferences can create unnecessary tension. It hurts a relationship and hinder your ability to find common ground with your partner. While it’s important to have standards and values that are non-negotiable, rigidly holding onto minor details like specific hobbies or physical attributes can prevent you from seeing the bigger picture of compatibility.  Let me say I will never advise you to be with a man who simply tries to humble you or drag you down ever!

But by being more flexible and open-minded in your approach to dating, your options expand. Also, you may find that as your expectations become more realistic, it leads to a deeper and more fulfilling connection. Long held beliefs of ‘The One’ Myth is another common pitfall that can perpetuate unattainable dating expectations.

Believing in ‘The One’ Myth

Believing in ‘The One’ Myth can set unrealistic expectations for your dating life, as the idea that there is one perfect person out there for you can lead to disappointment and frustration. I have found there is more than one. BUT each has its own set of compromises that only you can decide on.  Not your family or your friends.  The “One” myth can make it difficult to appreciate the unique qualities and differences in others. Ultimately, the myth causes you to overlook potential compatible partners. By letting go of the notion of ‘The One’ and embracing the idea that there are multiple people who could be a great match for you, you can open yourself up to a wider range of possibilities and increase your chances of finding a fulfilling relationship.

Believe it or not, a common consequence of holding onto the belief in ‘The One’ myth, seems to lead to ignoring red flags and excusing problematic behaviors, because you want it to work so bad, it prevents you from seeing important warning signs in a potential partner. I know it can be scary to think What if the answer to the question – are your dating standards are too high, is yes. And, what if I don’t meet another one with all of “this”. Answer, there are others.

Ignoring Red Flags and Excusing Problematic Behavior

Ignoring red flags and excusing problematic behavior is a slippery slope that can lead to disappointment and frustration in your dating life. When you believe in the myth of finding “The One,” you may overlook warning signs and make excuses for behavior that should be deal-breakers. It’s crucial to pay attention to red flags and address problematic behavior early on in a relationship to avoid heartache down the road. By acknowledging and confronting these issues head-on, you can set healthy boundaries. This will also hold you to higher standards when it comes to finding a compatible partner. Remember, it’s always better to address concerns sooner rather than later to ensure you are setting yourself up for a successful and fulfilling relationship.

Final thoughts

It’s crucial to acknowledge the signs that your dating expectations may be unattainable in order to set yourself up for success in love. Being aware of unrealistic deal-breakers, the pursuit of perfection, and the dangers of idealizing a partner, you can approach dating with a clearer perspective and greater openness. Remember, true connections are built on mutual understanding, compromise, and growth. So, recalibrate your standards, embrace the journey, and pave the way for a more fulfilling dating experience. As Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. 

By recognizing these signs and adjusting your dating expectations accordingly, you can approach dating with a more open mindset and increase your chances of forming meaningful connections. It’s time to recalibrate your standards and pave the way for a more fulfilling dating experience.