The Dark Side of Ghosted while Dating?

If you are dating, there is a good chance you have been ghosted at least once in today’s modern dating landscape. Dating can be treacherous these days. According to Psychology Today, 50% of men and women have been ghosted. While ghosting is a common occurrence, it still hurts even if it is after the 1st, 3rd or 6th date. The rejection by someone you thought may be a potential relationship candidate or that he might be important in your life just pulls a disappearing act. Poof – no text, calls, emails or social media contact. They may even block you. It leaves you with that sinking feeling and a WTF. It can be emotionally devastating.

Psychology experts suggest we have created such a toxic dating culture let alone become so disconnected through our digital devices, it is easy to just go silent. People believe that ghosting is harmless and kinder until it happens to you. Believe it or not, ghosting says more about the leaver than the one being ghosted. In general, it is a cowardly act people resort to because of the desire to not have to explain their change in feelings. It is not kind but cruel.

Ghosting Truths

Some believe this is part of the attraction of the swipe right online dating culture. Online dating increases the probability of being ghosted. The anonymity creates an environment where there are no other social ties or connections which makes it less likely that your “village” (e.g. friends and family) will be around to call the person on the hurtful behavior. It is the social rejection that creates the pain. You question yourself and the “realness” of the relationship. Was it all in your head? Were you a bad judge of character? Did you miss red flags or sign?

The bright side is one day after time to heal, you will meet other people that will ironically leave you asking what you could have possibly seen in the person that ghosted you. You may even spend time analyzing over and over in your mind what happened.

Being ghosted the silent treatment on steroids. Ghosting tends to leave you feeling powerless in that you didn’t get a chance to ask questions. I call it the silent treatment on steroids. Which is exactly what the ghoster is avoiding. You may even feel unworthy of love. I assure you this is not the case. It is just the cowardly act you experience with this person whom you should note the message is clear. You won’t find love with them. Now if that wasn’t enough, sometimes ghosts turn into zombies.

Ghosting Stats

Zombie-ing is when the person that ghosted you “rises” from the dead and pops back up in life trying to make a comeback or so it seems. Maybe it is a random text or social media like. But be careful. Many times the person is just back after you have forgotten about them to see if they can come back. Note to self: if they are not back with a sincere apology or treated you horribly, X them off the list.

Zombie-ing

After being ghosted or zombied, take some time to think about YOUR feelings about the relationship and is it worth another chance, but you should approach with caution. Take time to observe to see if he shows new behaviors and signs of life attempting to make good on the apology by treating you differently over the long run and not just a couple of days or phone calls and dates. Someone worthy of your time and attention must show sustained changed behavior. If they sh!tty side shows again, drop him like a bad habit and fast.

While you can’t make someone love you, it is your right to expect kindness and respect even if he is not interested in dating you. Keep your head up and stay positive. There are plenty of quality men. You just need to learn how to recognize them. Stay tuned… I will be talking about that in another post.