How To Deal With Heartbreak After You End A Relationship

Heartbreak after you end a relationship, can make life feel like things are always changing. Do you feel lost, confused, and overwhelmed after a breakup? Are you finding it difficult to make decisions while navigating heartache? A broken heart can make you feel like life is in free fall.  One minute you think you have it all figured out, and the next, you struggle to make it through the day because of the heartache of a romantic relationship ending.   For some people, making big decisions after a breakup can seem like a breeze. They can take a look at the options and decide without even slowing down. For others, big decisions can be enough to derail them while even small decisions may leave others frozen in their tracks.   

The grief and confusion of ending a love relationship can feel overwhelming.   For help, read my article on the stages of grief after heartbreak to help you with this part.

I will explore five important tips to deal with heartbreak and make decisions with grace and ease. From being gentle with yourself to identify the lessons learned, I will discuss the ways to heal heartbreak after you end a relationship in order to move forward with strength and clarity.  Trust me most of us need help when it comes to navigating the crossroads of heartache you find yourself at right now. Whether you’re still suffering the consequences of a recent split or it’s been a while since the break, this article provides a roadmap on how to make it through the pain and learn from the experience. Here’s the list of the 5 things that have worked for me and my clients to get over heartbreak:

Be Gentle with Yourself After Heartbreak

Even if the change you plan to make is a good one, it is still hard to accept and allow change into your life. You like the status quo, the way things have always been, and any kind of change, whether it is good or bad, can be a little scary. As you make some of the adjustments in life and move forward with that change, remember to be gentle with yourself and allow time for you to get used to it.   Remember you are still lovable.  You are a jewel for the right person and have a lot to offer.

This is a time when a little personal TLC or self-care works wonders.   Take time to grieve.   Allow your emotions to flow.  This is a painful experience.  Make a list of what you like about yourself.  Remember if you were not the one who wanted the breakup, sometimes you may not be able to make sense of the breakup.  It is the other person’s prerogative to choose differently and not move forward with the relationship.  However, it is not their prerogative to make you feel bad about their choice to end the relationship. This brings us to the next tip to heal after a breakup.

Stop ALL Contact and Communication

One of the biggest mistake people make after a breakup is fooling themselves by believing there is still room for being friends immediately after the breakup.  Possibly down the road the two of you may be able to be friends. But in order to get over you person, it is better to have absolutely no contact unless you share children.  And even then use a friend or family member to assist in facilitating visitation so you minimize your physical contact.

Also, minimize any opportunities to bump into each other.  If you must, take a couple of days to collect everything they had at your place. This way there will be only one exchange.  And if you can make arrangements to leave them somewhere without having to see them, even better.  No cyber stalking them on their social media accounts.   Don’t ask friends about them either!

Feelings don’t just switch off and continued contact drags out your pain with the “keep hope alive” phenomenon. You keep hoping they will see you as the prize. See you as THE ONE and will come to their senses to want to get back together.  This will only keep you stuck and not move past your pain and heartbreak.

This next tip helps your mind process the breakup too.

Keep Your Routine

According to the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, a good routine, is critical when you are going through major changes, especially a relationship breakup. This routine will help give you something to fall back on. Something you can rely on again, ensuring that you won’t feel completely lost during this time.  This helps you stay grounded with some sense of focus.   Meet a friend or go to the gym. This helps your mind continue to experience other things than solely focusing on your loss.

You can choose the type of routine that works for you. Maybe you have a special morning routine. One that includes waking up, doing some exercise, taking a shower, and enjoying a cup of coffee on the porch. You may have the routine in the evening. You can choose how to implement a routine that gives you a sense of security as you heal your emotions.

Do Journaling

Processing your complex emotions in your head can be a challenge. Taking the time to keep or start a journal can make a big difference. There is no judgment when you write down your thoughts and emotions. And no one else has to see the information.

Here are a couple of affirmations:

1.  I am lovable.
2. I am whole as a single person and don’t need someone else to make me complete.
3. I attract emotionally available men who align with my values and beliefs.

You can then go back through the pages and see how you are feeling and watch your emotions and thoughts change as the events in your life unfold.  Thoughts feed feelings.  And in the end, you may see that the thing that caused you anxiety or made you upset in the past no longer has a firm hold on you. Now it’s time to push forward with the lessons.

Identify the Lessons of Heartbreak

As you transition in your love life, it is a good idea to look for the lessons you gained. There may come times when you feel really sad. You will need to remember how the change in relationship status and the lessons learned are important for you in the first place. For many people, this is going to be like a big compass as they try to navigate the unknown now that they are now single again. Remembering the lessons can help you stay focused on your future. This will lead you on the right path as you move past heartbreak.   It also helps you to see you did not waste time.  Just like in life sometimes in love we win and sometimes we get a lesson!

When you are really sad your mind will play tricks on you.  Do not only focus on the good parts of your relationship and EX, but also remember those things that you didn’t like or that did not work. Make a list of the negatives about the relationship and your ex.   What were the signs or red flags you saw but minimized or ignored?  This helps your mind stay balanced and to not over-romanticize how “wonderful” the relationship was.

Take responsibility for your role in the relationship good, bad, and otherwise.  Confront yourself too.  It is not only about your partner’s role in the relationship and the breakup but your actions and behaviors as well.  Did you ever find yourself making excuses for the situations or behaviors you saw?  We have all done it.  Just be sure to keep the lessons in mind next time and do better.

Final Thoughts…

It is always difficult to deal with heartbreak after you end a relationship, and it can be hard to make decisions in the midst of such sadness.  There is nothing wrong with you if you are struggling. In fact, it is one of life’s most difficult challenges, However, it is important to take care of yourself and take time to grieve, along with setting boundaries with yourself and your ex. It is also important to keep your routine and journal to help process your emotions, while also looking out for the lessons you can learn from the experience. In the end, the challenge may help you become a better version of yourself.

Breakups are hard, but by taking the time to go through your pain and confusion, you can come out on the other side with a new perspective and strength. Identifying the valuable lessons you learn from the experience makes it possible to learn from it and find a whole new level of freedom.  While heartbreak is never easy, it is an opportunity to learn and grow and use it to find a newfound sense of clarity and purpose.

As author Kahlil Gibran said, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”  Remember to take it one day at a time and keep this in mind when navigating your heartbreak. The scars you carry, along with the lessons you learned, serve as reminders of your strength and resilience to make it through to the other side. When the wrong relationship comes to an end, you are one step closer to the right one.